Unhappy Anniversary



I have some sad news to share.  Honestly, I've been avoiding it, but the time has come when not talking about it is creating more awkwardness than just coming out with it. On October 1st of this year, my wife and I would be celebrating our 4th year wedding anniversary. Unfortunately, it's not to be. After nearly four years of marriage and a couple more of dating, we are parting ways. It saddens me so deeply that things didn't work out. It's been a difficult process for both of us to come to this decision, one that I really don't wish upon anyone.  Nothing is worse that seeing your best friend in pain.


  I can't tell you enough that there is no good guy or bad guy here. No one did anything terrible to the other and in all of those years, we remained one hundred percent faithful to each other (which people doubted was possible since we both travel for a living). But we started out as best friends and through our relationship, neither of us lost sight of that. On the rare occasion when a woman prodded me to do something I shouldn't I would always reply with, 'my wife is my best friend in the whole world. Now, why would I want to do that to my best friend?'  It helped to put things in perspective. 


Unfortunately, we simply came to a place in our relationship where we wanted different things. I can't say enough that she was the perfect wife. I could not have hoped for more, I lacked nothing anyone would wish from a relationship.  She is beautiful, funny, loving, caring and far more patient than I could ever imagine a person being. 


This is a very difficult time for both of us and I sincerely and humbly ask that you give us the two things we need most at this time. That is space and privacy. Also, unless you are a very close personal friend of hers (and I don't mean you met her at a show once or twice... I mean you have dinner with her regularly) I beg you not to contact her. She was never completely comfortable with the concept of my fans emailing her, adding her on Facebook, etc... She is a VERY private person and for the most part reserves her internet activities for people she knows really, really well in real life. I assure you that she has an amazingly supportive and wonderful family and a large circle of very dear friends by her side. So please, while I truly and greatly appreciate your desire to want to reach out and console the both of us, I ask you to PLEASE let her heal in her own way with her family and close friends.


It's going to be a rough time. I am not going to lie about that. But it's also a new beginning. It's a bit scary. To be honest, I have never felt comfortable alone. I enjoy my own company, I enjoy my own thoughts, I have no trouble traveling alone, going out to dinner by myself, spending hours or even days without speaking to a soul. I actually really, really enjoy solitude. But romantically, I've always felt I needed someone in my life to make me feel complete and now, it's finally the time for me to work on that and to try to be okay with being alone. 


Andrea Strummer November 29, 2013 @12:04 pm
I am so sorry to hear this, V. Find your strength in your art and know we are all here for you and ready to rock. I will see you in Portland in January!
Nickolaus Pacione October 07, 2013 @04:55 pm
Man -- I feel you there back in July of 1999, my engagement went down the toilet, and the fat bitch makes claims that I used to beat her. I hope you two were on good terms when you parted ways though because the D-word is a bitch.
Miss Fernanda October 01, 2013 @11:33 pm
oh, no :/ I always get news like this on my birthday :( I hope you two get to heal nicely, and even though this process can be really hurtful, I hope it helps you both grow internally and find your own inner peace. May your friends and family be always with you to console you and help you, and imagination and creativity get to take the best out of it all. Your fans are with you.
Thomas Melburn September 26, 2013 @11:28 pm
It will turn out alright Aurelio. Just take care of your son and hopefully everything will turn out ok.
Meredith September 26, 2013 @11:21 pm
Gods bless both of you. That kind of choice is agony to make; I hope you get through it and that your friendship is stronger for it in the end.
Pam Montes September 26, 2013 @09:10 pm
Voltaire, you've been a huge part of my life for years. I cried at work when I read about this because I only want you to be happy. Being alone (romantically) is incredibly difficult, and everyone understands that this is what you need. In any case, I am going to hug the bejeezus out of you next time you come down to Houston (or near it). (Or New Orleans, I went there to see you and would again)
Dianna September 26, 2013 @01:20 pm
I am so sorry,I met you in 2008, when you were announcing your engagement, and despite insane jealousy I was also very happy for you. It hurts to see you hurting and I do you realize that nothing is hopeless and you are never alone when you have fans like yours. We love you.
Lucas September 26, 2013 @10:43 am
I hope things work out for the best from the kids perspective. I haven't been divorced, but my parents split a few years ago, the process can be rough on the strongest of kids.
Lulu Higbee September 26, 2013 @07:52 am
As i mentioned when we met just a few weeks ago at con, your music helped me through a rather rough patch in my life. So reading this makes my heart heavy for both of you; I wish you both love, light and all the joy you've brought to others. I understand that sometimes, to part ways is the best thing to do, as difficult as it can be, as painful, its simply the path you are on. Take care, I wish the both of you the very best along your parting paths.
Wyllow September 26, 2013 @04:50 am
I know there's nothing I can say to console you, but you're in my thoughts and I'm hoping that you both find what you want and need.
Yurbles September 26, 2013 @03:33 am
Sorry to hear, Volty. Chin up, though, it'll all work itself out. Most things often do. The disappointments in life, the failures and heartbreaks help shape who you grow into, remember that, and never lose who you are through the darker times. We're all cheering you on. <3
Mae September 26, 2013 @03:33 am
Voltaire, I will say that I admire your work greatly and that your music brings out the best in me and my Mother. When I hear you sing, you seem so happy and full of life and that's contagious! I absolutely admire your work and the way that you make everyone smile and laugh even when they're sad. It's sad to hear that you're in pain, and I hate seeing (or in your case reading) that someone so full of life dim like this. There's more to life than romance and I assure you, you'll pull through. You have your friends, your fans, and most of all your family. We all love you and will remain by your side no matter what to lend any kind of support you need. You're awesome. Lots of love, happiness, and peace! ♥ - Mae.
Starfire September 26, 2013 @02:45 am
Hey V, I just wanted to offer you some comfort and a shoulder should you wish it. While I know you are a strong man, I also know that you are a very sensitive man as well. Take what time you need to heal. Know that we, your fans are with you and are willing to listen to you if you want to rant, cry or just talk. Voltaire, you were there for me just days after one of my closest friends committed suicide. You held me as I cried, then you gave me sweet words to help me get a bit of cheer. Finally you put on the best show I'd seen in a very long time. Long story short, I love you, Voltaire and will do anything I can do to help you get through this horrid time.
Adam & Angela Crocker September 26, 2013 @01:59 am
youngling there are times in life when we must walk in solitude but that is not exclusive to being there when your best friend needs a shoulder to lean on. We all have been where you are now at some point and from the other comments we see you are surrounded by a forest of hands to lift you and her up, something tells us that you will come through with your usual verve and still manage to hold onto your best friend though no longer being wed. hold your head up and sail on through this storm.
Dorian September 26, 2013 @01:22 am
Best of trails to both of you. Seems like everyone I know and follow is up to a parting of ways right now.
Rogelio "Crimson Werecat" Gómez September 26, 2013 @12:16 am
my dear Cap'n, I understand truly what you're going through and both your desires for privacy, in this, after all, a personal moment and time, I understand we're only your fans and really admire the courage on your part for sharing this, so I'll only say I wish the 2 of you the best, may life be good for the two of you, and for yourself, may you find whatever it is you feel you need, and be as happy and plentiful as you creations have made me... may life bless you, V, and well, remember, you have a fan and supporter in Mexico, who is always there through calm seas or stormy nights! as always, Cheers from Mexico!! Que la vida te colme de magia y bendiciones, mi estimado genio creativo, y que encuentres la luz del faro que guie tu barco a las paz, la calma, la magia y el amor! -Crimson.
Sarah September 25, 2013 @09:52 pm
So very sorry for your loss.
Debra September 25, 2013 @09:45 pm
Hugs to you. Learning to be okay with being alone may be a difficult journey, but it may also be seasoned with moments of unexpected joy, strength, and rebirth. Peace to you and she as you walk life's path, may it lead you both to beautiful discoveries.
Lucas J Margenats L September 25, 2013 @09:32 pm
Saying that I'm really sorry for both of you wouldn't be enough. I hope you know that we (your fans) will be always there to support you. We owe you much. VERY much, I hope that your heart will heal soon. I personaly wish you all the luck in the world. LUX A young musician that learns alot from you.
Morrigan Carmillan September 25, 2013 @09:02 pm
Decir sólo que lo siento sería burdo de mi parte en este momento... Personalmente, sé la bendición que significa tener a tu lado a tu mejor amigo, como tu pareja; desafortunadamente eso para mí terminó muy mal cuando esa persona decidió suicidarse hace poco más de 9 años. Afortunadamente, tú aún tienes a esa amiga que estoy segura, sigue queriéndote tanto como tú a ella. Lo único que me queda es mandarte mis mejores vibras para que puedas sanas pronto y esperar que encuentres la mejor forma para lidiar con el dolor que provoca cualquier separación. Cuentas con el apoyo de todos nosotros y estaremos aquí cuando estés listo.
Tom Rogers September 25, 2013 @08:24 pm
Blessings for the both of you. These are trying times, indeed.
Stacy Frett September 25, 2013 @08:11 pm
Soo sorry you and yours are going through this. Divorce is something I would never wish on anyone. Good luck to your new future. Hang in there!
Bob Dangler September 25, 2013 @07:59 pm
Sir, While my wife and I have only met you twice, I would call you friend, if allowed. I see that, though you would be thought of as a knave, you are true in your heart and soul to those that you hold dear. I wish the best to both you and your love. Parting while still in love is the hardest, but the best way to end. It hurts, but won't fester. It will heal. Much strength to both of you, friend.
Barb - 1st Officer Voltaire Signal Corps September 25, 2013 @07:58 pm
As you work through this time of solitude, I wish you much clarity.I have always respected your marriage and your privacy. The main reason I never asked your mate to be my friend was to give her that privacy. Meeting her at a few shows never meant I knew her. I was always in awe of her unique beauty and very nervous when I spoke with her. My own divorces happened at a much younger age when I thought I KNEW everything. We will respect your wishes, always. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with your fans. We do care and will be here for you.
Renae September 25, 2013 @07:40 pm
I'm so sorry to hear about this Voltaire. There's nothing anyone could really say to console you at this time, except tell you what you things you already know. Time will heal you and the memories that cause you pain to think about now, will one day fill you with a peaceful nostalgia. Please take care of yourself. x
Edwin September 25, 2013 @07:37 pm
Very sorry to hear Aurelio, I can tell you I do not know what the feeling is like but from what you posted I can say at least you had this beautiful relationship for this long and that there was no bad or good guy here. I hope you can get over it without troubles and again - sorry to hear.
Alicia September 25, 2013 @07:34 pm
I'm so sorry that you two are going through this, V. My partner is my best friend also - I can only guess as to what it must be like not to have that anymore. May love and healing find you both.
Libby September 25, 2013 @06:58 pm
I feel, and have felt your pain. I hope you are heartened by the many people who wish you well. And may your creativity carry you through to happier times.
Cori M. Avara-Sanchez September 25, 2013 @06:38 pm
Blessings on you both. May the pain be brief.
Susan September 25, 2013 @06:20 pm
V, you have always been so good to my family, especially my special needs daughter. Whenever you come to Florida we have made it a point to come see you. Your compassion has always made you more than just a musician to me and me feel like more than just a fan, to me you are a friend. My own divorce was painful so I understand how you feel and offer the most sincere condolence.
Kristen Nelson September 25, 2013 @06:03 pm
Extremely sorry to hear the bad news. Please take extra great care of yourself at this time. Ease up, rest, eat and drink good things - even if you order them all from the local supermarket or takeout place. Your fans and your loved ones are all pulling for you.
Lea September 25, 2013 @06:00 pm
Much love and virtual hugs for both of you.
Laurie September 25, 2013 @05:55 pm
I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope all goes well for the both of you.
Candice O'Connell September 25, 2013 @05:45 pm
:( best of wishes to you both and may happiness come knocking on your door to help you to heal ~bugs and hisses from a huge fan
Nathan September 25, 2013 @05:44 pm
Wish you both well, and hoping for speedy healing.
Laura "Little Blackavar" Brown September 25, 2013 @05:44 pm
My deepest sympathies to you both. I'm going to go out on something of a limb here, but going by how you described the amicable nature of the split, I feel I can say I do know how you feel. After 9 and a half years, my fiance and I parted ways at the end of July- it was long distance, he lives in the US, and I live in the U.K. The split wasnt because we loved each other ant less, but because we wanted different things, neither of us wanting felt we'd be happy living in each other's countries. I miss him very much and will always love him. But now Im starting to see that this end has bought me a new beginning. I do wish I could share it with my fiance, but Im starting to accept that its not meant to be. Im stumbling towards this new start, and will take him with me in a different manner. I wish you both love and healing. Xxx
Jen Roche September 25, 2013 @05:40 pm
So very, very sad to read this news and I wish you both lots of love and healing in the coming months. I also admire your courage in taking this step. It must have been such a hard decision to make but ultimately, I hope that you both remain best friends and find happiness. Many couples don't have that courage and stay together for fear of change, or for the kids or just because it's the done thing and end up making each other miserable so, although this must be a very hard time for both of you, I hope it leads to good things for each of you. Your music and creative works are a wonderful gift to us all and make so many of us smile when the world just wants to make us cry. All the best to you and Jayme at this difficult time.x
Lady Jean September 25, 2013 @05:38 pm
Please be at peace. You have a large support group too V. We love you both and at times all people feel lonely even in a relationship. Good luck to you both and be strong. V if you need anything just e-mail please.
Randella September 25, 2013 @05:33 pm
My deepest condolences to hear you are both going through this pain. My heart is heavy for you, and though it will take time and mourning , I hope can feel that completion of self again. You are a beautiful artist whose strength and you soul has touched many hearts and lives, you should be proud when you look into a crowd.
brian green September 25, 2013 @05:31 pm
Sorry to hear it but if it is for the best. And You both can remand friends then it may not be an end but just a new beginning of love for You both...
Sofía T. September 25, 2013 @05:31 pm
There is not much I can say about this besides sorry, but I still wish for the best for both of you. No one has the right to judge you or push you now, take all the time you need to heal. *hugs*. I hope you manage to smile soon enough.
Amea September 25, 2013 @05:31 pm
I'm sorry to hear this. But much love to you. I hope you both heal and continue to grow, in your own ways, and I hope you two continue to be friends after all of this is over. <3
Bosbes24 September 25, 2013 @05:28 pm
I'm sure I wont be able to understand what you're going trought since there are things you can't comprehand until they happen to you but I just want to wish both of you the very best.
Ricardo Aceves September 25, 2013 @05:26 pm
Much love from us as your fans and hopefully in a level, your friends. Carry on, in the darkest times we will be here with you.
LegendGirl September 25, 2013 @05:08 pm
I'm so sorry to hear about the two of you parting ways. Your music has helped me through many a rough time, and I only wish I could do the same for you both. Please know that you're in my thoughts, and I wish you all the best.
Erin N September 25, 2013 @04:57 pm
I am sorry to hear of your respectable heartaches and understand the shock and pain that goes through the "big D" choice, decision and final processes as I went through the situation myself after a 9 year marriage with what sounds like very similar circumstance. I hope you both find peace and comfort in your journey together and hope in your paths ahead . I hope you both find strength in the 4 years that you had together in that roll and find the hope and thriving rebirth that independence will bring. Goodluck and Good Journey.. please do not hesitate to contact me for moral support. -Rin
Kaitlyn September 25, 2013 @04:46 pm
My and my bf broke up a month ago today, he was my first and i was his, and after 14 months of being together, he started to like another girl, and ended it because he didn't want to make a mistake. Its been REALLY REALLY hard for me to get over it, even just slight, but I haven't at all, and none of my friends understand what I mean and won't believe me when I say that I can't. But in the last paragraph you wrote, it really explains me, and made me realize that's how I am, I just could never find the right words to put it as. Good luck though, and best of luck, I know the two of you will get thought it in no time :)
Denise Noell September 25, 2013 @04:38 pm
I am sorry Voltaire, we talked in Flint MI about marriage, what a mature way to handle this and I hope the fans leave her alone, and you also do not need to be bugged about it. Take your healing time and stay true to yourself! We still adore you best of luck to you and your son on your new adventures! Your fan of "Brains"
Gabriel Shade September 25, 2013 @04:32 pm
Sorry to hear that. I'm glad the two of you are still friends though.
Mishagothe September 25, 2013 @04:27 pm
That was one of the most well written and well thought out statements regarding the process of separating I have ever read. I was deeply touched by your obvious love for your wife and consideration for her needs. I have been there and the only advice I can give anyone is, "this too shall pass."
Joey September 25, 2013 @04:27 pm
This happened to me last year about this time. I gave myself 4 months off - one for every year that my boyfriend and I were together - just to heal. I am not 100% okay - but I ambetter - and the friendships I have had have deepened and the me I am is a better person. Blogging helps a lot. I started my blog as a way to work through the re-emergence process. Hang in there, my friend. Warm thoughts go out with you.
Erkan September 25, 2013 @04:25 pm
I am sorry to hear this just like all of your fans. We will be here for you to talk if you ever need. It is really bad, I know how it feels to lose someone that makes you complated. Hope you and her feel better as time goes by.
Natalie "Natbat" Lin September 25, 2013 @04:22 pm
My heart goes out to both of you, sending positive vibes. At least you can take solace in the fact that you didn't lose a friend. Your music and art have inspired and comforted fans from all over, so know that they in return send their love and support.
Jane September 25, 2013 @04:20 pm
Oh my, do I hate to hear this. I could see the love and friendship that the two of you have for each other every time I was around the you. My first husband, whom I still love dearly, was my best friend too. We were together for a time, had 2 children together and during that time we were totally committed to our relationship and family, but in the end we came from 2 very different worlds and both needed to follow a path that took us in separate directions. It was not easy for any of us, but eventually our lives did even out and we both ended up in very happy and long lasting relationships with partners we dearly love. the hardest part was the first few weeks after he was gone, it was hard for him as well, but we lived through it and are still good friends today. There was none of the bitterness of a "normal" divorce, we just came to an agreement and we moved on. I have always said that my mistake in that relationship was in trying to make my best friend a husband too, It simply was not where either of us needed to be. I know that you and she will get there in time. For now, please know that you have a friend to reach out to if you want, but also one that knows to allow you to be the one to reach. Love to both of you. Jane
Qahlen September 25, 2013 @04:18 pm
Good luck, and may you both find what you need. /hug/
Jacob September 25, 2013 @04:15 pm
I wish you both the best. I know you've helped many through the rough seas of life and I hope you stay well.
enis September 25, 2013 @04:14 pm
Best of luck to you both, V. I know we're just a sea of anonymous fans, but we love you and support you, and we're here for you in whatever way fans can.
eni September 25, 2013 @04:10 pm
Best of luck to you both, V. I know we're just fans
Carrie September 25, 2013 @04:09 pm
I wish you both nothing but the best. Changes in our lives are always hard, but we are given adversity to help us grow as beings and make us stronger. I imagine this is quite difficult for you both but I commend you in being a true gentleman. Most would bash the other party to make themselves look/feel better, but you remain honest and true. Good luck with the future and thank you for showing there are still chivalrous men out there!
la belle Gigi September 25, 2013 @04:07 pm
I'm so sorry... *hug*
Brian Mounce September 25, 2013 @04:05 pm
I'm sorry to hear this.
Jen September 25, 2013 @04:04 pm
If I could, I'd write you a song that touched your heart and soul, gave you hope and made the world suck less. Maybe it would be about, I dunno, riding black giraffes through a massive earthquake, while drinking from biodegradable cups filled with double rainbows, or something. Sadly, I'm not that awesome.
Susan Scofield September 25, 2013 @03:44 pm
I am sorry to hear this, as sweetly written as it is. All the best to both of you as you move forward...
Fawndolyn September 25, 2013 @03:44 pm
I'm really sad to see you two part ways. You two were perfect for each other, but I suppose even perfection wanes. I guess you'll both just stay perfect as two entities, and I hope you stay friends. I love you both.
Cat Wagner September 25, 2013 @03:44 pm
That is a sad thing to admit, and to deal with. My hopes and prayers are with you both as you work your way through it. You have given so many people hope and a smile on bad days, that I hope you understand although many of us don't know you personally - we do hope the best for you. And that there are people out there who will continue to hope for joy and healing to both of you.
Wicked Morgue September 25, 2013 @03:42 pm
if you need anyone to talk to hit me up buddy, i know that it can be a rough time; i hope u recover and heal fast. XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Liz September 25, 2013 @03:41 pm
Best of luck in this new beginning of your life. Once more: thank you for your music, it helps me in a way you can not imagine and that's why I wish I could help you this time :( but as we say here in México: "Las cosas pasan por algo", Things happen for a reason... Your fans are with you in this rough time.
Josh September 25, 2013 @03:41 pm
You have my sympathy, V. I am sorry that events have transpired however they have, but wherever either of your decisions may lead either of you, I am sure that it is all for the better. All the best, as you always gave us.
Lore Gómez September 25, 2013 @03:37 pm
Hey V, i an really sad to hear that, I was friends wiith the guy that gave you the sugar skulls last time in mexico 2010, and well, since we went thru the same a couple of years ago i can only tell you that i really hope each one of you find what you need to move on healthy in life, that the process is as tolerable as can be, and for the sake of your little ones, that both f you can remain the bestest friends, respecting each other's space and needs. i send you my best hugs and greetings, and offer a couple of ears and eyes for you.
Sherry Johnson September 25, 2013 @03:36 pm
I'm sorry to hear it, but you'll both be better off in the long run. It's better to part when you know that you're going in different directions than to try and hold it together ( for whatever reason) and end up hating each other. This way, you remain good friends, and can still share in each others lives. Good luck to you both.
William September 25, 2013 @03:33 pm
I am sorry to hear this sir. As being in a similar situation as well just divorced in June after 7 years of marriage it is difficult but with the help of good friends and good vibes should get you to a better place. I hope the best for both of you!
Jade Morrigan September 25, 2013 @03:33 pm
I'm truly sorry. Its a long hard emotional road, so take time to please your heart and your mind. It'll get better... much love. Jade
Stilgar98 September 25, 2013 @03:30 pm
I just wish that I could help you through this tough time as much as you've helped me through some of mine. Be strong, and know that there is alot of people out here who love what you do, what you are, and what you stand for.
Nancy Dean September 25, 2013 @03:30 pm
Voltaire, I am so sorry to hear your news. I've been there and it hurts like hell and it will for a long time. But things do eventually get better. Please keep that in mind as you journey through this. May the God/desses be with you and light your way to a new life.
Spooky September 25, 2013 @03:29 pm
I have to also say what Ira said. Your music has brought so much joy and happiness to many of us. I wish you so much luck and you are yourself a strong and fun person. The way you connect with your fans is inspirational. You are handling this better than A LOT of folks would. You are an awesome person and a big black unicorn is waiting here in Utah should you ever come and he gives the best hugs. You are not alone. And it seems she will forever be your friend and that really is all that matters right? Best wishes and hugs from both horse and human, Spooky & Judgment.
Amanda September 25, 2013 @03:29 pm
I'm so sorry for you both. Experience has taught me that if you hang on to the friendship, it can come back and stay after the time taken to heal. I wish you both that
Leigh September 25, 2013 @03:29 pm
You have probably heard this 1,000 times, you will wake up one day and it sucks slightly less and the good days begin to out weigh the bad days... eventually you will be good again. My husband was a marine and we split when our son was 2. Its heart breaking but often its for the best. He is happy 5000 miles away and I have remarried since then to a man who has been my best friend since high school. Keep your chin up.
Jonathan Bailey September 25, 2013 @03:27 pm
I'm sorry to hear this. But best of luck to both of you and I'll be thinking of you both through these difficult times. I hope you both heal soon.
Angela September 25, 2013 @03:27 pm
Judging by your Facebook posts (and having been there, myself), I strongly suspected such, though at least it was amicable, as painful as it is. ((hugs)) I hope both of you heal as easily as possible from this.
Donna Sheehy (Goth Mom) September 25, 2013 @03:26 pm
My heart is heavy for you. I will let my ministry team know, we all love you and will pray for your heart to mend. Let us know if you need anything or if there is anything that we can do for you. www.thegraverobbers.org
Jess September 25, 2013 @03:26 pm
Love and light to both of you during this difficult time. So sorry you're having to go through this.
Ira Parker September 25, 2013 @03:25 pm
Serious Ways September 25, 2013 @03:25 pm
Voltaire, your music has brought me only happiness and joy in the rough times for me. So now, in this heavy moment for you, I could only say, that I wish you all the best and a lot of luck in your future plans. I'm sure that many of us /your fans/ will share the opinion that you're a true inspiration to us and we could only wish you the best :) PS: Sorry if I've made any mistakes, English is not my native language
Tanakila September 25, 2013 @03:24 pm
Its a tough and sad process. I wish you both the best. I had a divorce once. Mine was pretty bad. I'm glad though you two are at least friends. Best of luck. You are an amazing artist.
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